It’s the Friday Fifteen! Today’s guest is Eileen Kennedy-Moore, an author, psychologist, and mother of four lively children (ages 14, 11, 8, & 5).
She says:
After my first child was born, I knew I wanted to be mostly home with her, but I also wanted to keep my finger in my field, so I co-authored a book for mental health professionals, called Expressing Emotion
(Guilford Press). It was a huge undertaking, with 47 pages of references, but I enjoyed the process and learned a tremendous amount. I also caught the bug and knew that I wanted to keep writing.
My second book, also co-authored, is for parents. Its called The Unwritten Rules of Friendship: Simple Strategies to Help Your Child Make Friends (Little, Brown). It describes nine example kids who struggle socially, and offers practical ideas about how parents and teachers can help.
My third book, What About Me? Twelve Ways to Get Your Parent’s Attention Without Hitting Your Sister (Parenting Press) is for children 3-8, and it’s my sentimental favorite. When my son was a frisky four-year old, he got into trouble too often for hitting his sisters. As a mom and a psychologist, I know that one of the best ways to handle misbehavior is to teach kids positive ways to ask for what they need. So, I made him a little booklet out of index cards, showing lots of positive ways to get my attention. My son loved it, and it definitely helped increase the peace in our home! This little booklet was the basis for What About Me?
What About Me? actually works on two levels: For kids, it’s a how-to book that helps them cope with feelings of jealousy or being left out. It offers them choices rather than shoulds. For parents, it’s a gentle reminder to catch our children being good. It’s easy to notice when our children are hitting or carrying on, but we need to make a conscious effort to respond when they are being kind, helpful, or creative.
And now, onto the Friday Fifteen!
1. Where are you now?
I have a private psychotherapy practice in Princeton, NJ.
2. What were your favorite books as a kid?
I loved From the Mixed Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler. I loved the mystery and the resourcefulness of the characters.
3. What are you reading now?
I’m reading a bunch of psychology books plus A Tree Grows in Brooklyn for my book club.
4. Do you have kids?
Yes, I have four lively children, ages 14, 11, 8, & 5.
5. What projects are you working on now?
I’m working on two books for parents, one on practical tips for raising a big family, and another on the social and emotional needs of high-ability children. I also have two children’s books in the works: one on worries, and one about a child’s view of love.
6. What is your biggest writing or illustrating luxury?
I adore my Mac PowerBook laptop. Ive used it so much, theres actually a worn spot where my hands rest!
7. Coffee or tea?
Either, as long as its decaf.
8. Name five artists on your iPod (or mp3 player).
I’m embarrassed to say I don’t have an iPod. Musically, my test is pretty eclectic, although I like to be able to sing along. My 14-year old does NOT appreciate this.
9. What would I be surprised to know about you?
I grew up overseas. My father worked for a multinational company, so we spent three years in Peru and five years in Spain before I was in high school. I loved having the chance to see the world at a young age. I also think it made my family very close and gave me confidence that I could make friends anywhere.
10. What college did you attend (in what subject)?
I was an undergraduate psychology major at Northwestern University, in Evanston, IL, just outside Chicago. My PhD is from SUNY Stony Brook, on Long Island.
11. If you weren’t working with kids’ books, what would your dream job be?
I really enjoy how each of my jobs author, therapist, speaker, mom draws from and enriches the others. To be honest, sometimes I feel like I’m doing one of those circus acts where the performer has a bunch of plates spinning on tall poles, and dashes franticly from pole to pole to keep them from falling. But overall, I feel very lucky to have the opportunity to do such a variety of work that I love.
12. What’s the best thing on TV right now?
I’m not a big TV watcher. I’d rather read or write or chat with my husband in the evening.
13. How did you get your “big break” into the field?
Perseverance. With my first book, we sent a proposal to ten possible publishers. The ninth place publisher wrote back nine pages, typed single space, about how much they hated the book. They didn’t quite say, ”If we saw it sitting in the street, we would spit upon it,” but pretty darn close. I felt devastated. A few weeks later, we had a bidding war between our top two publisher choices. Go figure.
With my children’s book, the publisher that ultimately accepted it sat on the manuscript for a year. After they accepted it, though, they were terrific. My publisher at Parenting Press helped me turn a good idea into a great book. I really enjoyed the experience of working with a small press.
14. Which celeb would you want most to meet?
I’m not a celeb watcher. I just don’t have time.
15. Who is the best book character EVER?
I don’t have a favorite character. For me, part of the fun of books is getting to “meet” lots of different people and see the world through their eyes. That, and watching people make real changes in their lives, is also what I enjoy about doing therapy.
Anything else?
SOME GENERAL ADVICE:
IF YOU REALLY WANT TO DO SOMETHING, DO IT. Lots of people say, “Oh, I’d love to write a book!” but never do anything about it. They make excuses for not doing what they want to do. “My life is too hectic.” “I need to be more qualified.” That’s nonsense. Life is always too hectic. You can learn as you go. You can seek out the information or the help you need. Doing what you want to do takes simple nerve, determination, and hard work.
With everything else I have going on, I don’t break any speed records writing my books, but little by little, I get them done. With my first two books, I did most of my writing typing one-handed while nursing a baby late at night. It does get easier as the kids get older, but I still think it comes down to determination. If you want it badly enough, you’ll find a way to write. Little bits really can add up.
THINK LIKE A PUBLISHER. Writing is inspired by imagination. If youre writing just for yourself or your family, that’s all you need. But if you want to publish your work, you also need to go the next step and think and act in a very practical business-oriented way. The bottom line is that you need to offer publishers something they can sell.
For nonfiction, which is what I write, this means three things:
1) Understand the market:
Who would buy this book? How would they benefit from it? How is it different from whats already out there?
2) Understand publishers needs:
Different publishers have different focuses, so make sure that your book fits with their mission before you submit it. Reading submission guidelines and on-line editor interviews, and attending writers conferences like SCBWI can be very helpful for learning about editors likes and dislikes. You need to know, for instance, that printing constraints require that picture books be 32 pages, so if you submit something longer or shorter, they cant publish it.
3) Make a commitment to promoting your book:
All writers have a fantasy that once our book is out, the world will come to us. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work that way. If you genuinely believe in your book, it’s not hard to spread the word. I know What About Me? can help lots of families, so I’m happy to talk about it.
Thanks, Eileen!
was published in 2004 and has been nationally recognized. It still managed to stay off my radar - perhaps because I didn’t have school aged children until now. I am rushing out to buy it before school starts… My middle daughter will *absolutely* love it!
